MoDS AND COCK-UPS

I have had requests, but I’m not sure if I can do the prawn and crab joke justice in stark black and white. It’s one of those jokes that needs the voice, the intonation, the timing.

I’ll think about it. Meanwhile, here’s a good one:

How many civil servants does it take to lose a laptop?

Just the one … any one. Take your pick. As long as the laptop contains confidential material.

The MoD and our armed services seem particularly prone to Careless Laptop Syndrome. They are taught to defend countries, towns, citadels, fleets, squadrons, royalty, diplomats and politicians … but not the humble laptop.

Bung it in the car, leave it on the seat; take it on the tube, leave it on the seat; take it to the pub – sorry, wine bar – and leave it on the seat.

See where the problem lies, Chaps?

Things are improving, though. An MP discovered in January 2002 that 594 MoD laptops went missing in the previous five years – a massive 120 a year. But according to a report last week, in 2007 the MoD lost only 69 laptops and seven PCs.

The MoD issued a glowing report on this modest improvement. But someone left it on the train …