HOW I NEARLY BECAME A BEER PONCE

We had the village Winter Beer Festival at the weekend. There were 18 different real ales, six ciders and perries (urgh!), and scores of happy people.

The valiant organising committee had prepared a little brochure with Comments & Tasting Notes. I like to think I know a good beer, but not that well …

For instance, I hadn’t a clue that Captain Bill Bartram’s Bitter is modified from a Victorian recipe with Maris Otter and crystal malt in the grist and good old Fuggles and Goldings in the boil.

Now, be honest – did you?

Or that Dark Side is made with organic Spalt and Galena hops and is suitable for Vegans? Not that I saw any aliens in the village hall.

Many of the descriptions are almost of ‘wine-ponce’ vintage, such as ‘lots of citrus flavours, especially grapefruit and a long,long finish’. And ‘bursting with dark, roasty flavour with an underlying vanilla richness’.

Quite.

The only trouble was, there was no cheese or spittoons. So that after about the third tasting (modest half pints) everything begins to taste vaguely the same. To an almost-beer-ponce, anyway.

Still, I managed to walk home in a respectable straight line, with no repetition of the red wine debacle (see very first entry, if you must).