UPBRINGING: NOT SO MUCH CLASS AS CUTLERY

How do you know if somebody’s been brought up properly, be it in a mansion or a council house? Easy. Watch how they hold their cutlery.

If they hold either their knife or fork as they would a pen or even a knitting needle – beware. Who knows what sort of background they come from. The Devil’s spawn, probably.

All right, so that’s a teeny-weeny exaggeration, but the pathetic sight of young men and women stabbing down on their food marks the start of a slippery slope.

The most telling newspaper report I’ve read this week was about a school that has to teach its pupils how to hold their cutlery. But at least those kids now have a social skill that they can pass on to their children.

Poor old fart, I can hear some saying – getting in a lather about holding cutlery.

Hold on! It’s not just cutlery – it’s a matter of standards. Standards are standards, and if we let too many drift we end up with the society we deserve. Where kids know only how to wield a knife in anger.

Besides, how do you cut a rump steak with a knitting needle? Can’t be done.