PLODDERY HAVE PLAIN GIBBERISH DOWN TO A FINE ART

What a fine body of men and women make up the Plain English Campaign. They tell it like it is. Unlike, of course, those they castigate.

Did you see their latest report the other day on the state of British police forces. Not only do the Ploddery in general talk and write in gobbledygook, they also now name themselves in gobbledygook.

Suffolk Police have senior officers with titles such as Director of Knowledge Architecture and Head of Citizen Focus. Norfolk has created a County Delivery Unit. As the PEC says, it sounds like a milk round.

Lincolnshire Police say their mission is to focus on the citizen, achieve the highest standards of professionalism, deliver excellent performance, and so inspire confidence among the people they serve. The PEC says: They don't appear to aspire to catch criminals

The Essex Police say: There are 47 police stations in Essex, 12 of which are open around the clock. The PEC says: Sorry, nearly 75 per cent of police stations are not open after 5pm.

In my professional capacity I once had to deal with a Partnership (more of dreaded Partnerships another time) consisting of a police force, a local council, business groups, and voluntary organizations.

What a nightmare. I would rewrite some idiot's gobbledygook into plain English; another idiot would try to change it back into gibberish; I would make it at least understandable gibberish; they would complain to a harassed middle man, who would ask for a few ‘subtle changes’ trying to appease us both; I would say it was too late, they had missed the deadline.

Oh, the joys of writing a blog. Just me and the keyboard, and my in-built anti-tosser radar device ...