JOCKEY SHORT: I’ve given an ASBO to the little bastards who woke me up with a non-stop racket in the early hours of this morning. Anti Social Blackbird Order, that is.
The little sods obviously put their clocks back an hour instead of forward at the weekend. Two of them were ‘singing’ away when every other self-respecting bird was still tucked up in our hedge.
I tried to sleep through it but then they got a duet going that sounded like a cross between James Blunt and Roger Whittaker (if you don’t know, ask your dad!). Before I knew it, I was trying to Name That Tune …
JOCKEY SHORT 2: A couple of hours later I had to give an ASBO to my morning newspaper. Anti Social Bullshit Order, that is. There I was, looking forward to at least a half-intelligent read, and the main story on the front page was the amazing revelation that Natasha Kaplinsky is three months’ pregnant. Wow, some story … tosspots.
JOCKEY SHORT 3: Watch out any bastard who upsets me today. I promise you my third ASBO of the day. A Severe Bollocking Order.
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