REMEMBER, GORD –THE LAST CUT IS THE DEEPEST

So, what now for Gordon Brown, after the Scottish Nationalists won the rock-solid Labour seat in the Glasgow by-election?

I have a suggestion, Gord. The pub down by the canal near us is far too cheerful. Sometimes you can’t hear yourself thinking for people laughing and joking. Just go down there, Gord – and sit in the corner for an hour or two every day.

That’ll quieten the bastards.

On the other hand, you could wipe Glasgow off the face of the earth. One press of the button. Your call.

If I had to give serious advice, I’d say there’s no point in fretting about the SNP. Scottish people know which side their bread is buttered and deep-fried.

Sure they moan about the English taking all their North Sea oil money, but if they had to fend for themselves – manage without all the money from income tax, corporation tax, road tax, VAT, and any other of the multifarious taxes that populous England supplies – their oil money would stretch as far as Gordon Brown’s smile this morning. No-bloody-where!

It could have been worse, Gord. The Tories could have won. Can you imagine Glasgow East with a Tory MP!?

You know that pub I mentioned … there's a secluded little spot round the back that's ideal for chucking yourself in the cut.