REMEMBER – NEVER GIVE UP GIVING UP

I didn’t know this until yesterday, but apparently nicotine can boost your memory.

Now, where did I leave my fags?

No, that’s just a joke. I gave up smoking in 1990 after a health scare. Totally. For two years. And then I drifted back. How stupid can you get!?

I can’t remember why I drifted back (albeit to a much reduced consumption), but it was either a) because of stress at work, or b) because I got pissed and had a few cigars.

I’m sure of that because since then I have given up several times and drifted back for one of those two reasons. I have given up three times with the help of nicotine chewing gum, and I have given up twice with the help of Zyban. I only tried patches for a day – but they were too difficult to light up.

These days I smoke only intermittently – sometimes once a fortnight, sometimes it’s a month or more in between. It depends largely who I’m with, what I’m drinking, and if there’s anyone around I can cadge a ciggy off.

The last time I gave up totally, I said that if I could stay nicotine-free for 20 years or more I would reward myself by taking it up again at 70. If I lived that long, and could remember I was a smoker.

Which brings me neatly back to my first paragraph. Apparently the latest research shows that nicotine’s ability to improve memory is closely tied in with its addictive properties. And although nicotine is not as toxic as other tobacco chemicals, it may have some harmful side effects.

Scientists are hoping to develop safe nicotine-like substances to treat Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. But first they have to work out how not to kill sufferers in the process.

Tough call.

Phew – I could do with a roll-up just thinking about it. Anyone got one?