Tuesday, July 01, 2008

VIAGRA, EMBIGULATOR, FAKE ROLEX, AND THE ULTIMATE BED

Why are the all spam emails now about replica watches? Are yours, or is it just mine?

Perhaps the spammers have finally realised I do not need (yet, at least) Viagra or penis enlargement. A pill to stop me nodding off before Mrs N might help.

Perhaps the spammers have a rota for these things. First the Embigulator for those men with an inferiority complex, or indeed a tiny dick, then Viagra to check that the Embigulator has worked, and finally a fake Rolex to check the reaction time.

Judging by this, the next item to get the multiple spam treatment will be the new Plug’n’Play Bed that does it all for you. Never heard of it? Ah, that will be because I haven’t patented it yet.

All I can tell you is that it will be boon to all men, particularly those knocking on a bit. You just coax your lady into bed, tell her you’re switching on the electric blanket to keep her warm while you sort out the chocolate whip, and wait for the bed to do its stuff.

You return, get in beside her – and prepare for take-off.

Now form an orderly queue, chaps.

* My loyal readers – those who have also read the book of my adventures, When It Comes To The Crunch (see www.huckbooks.co.uk) – will know that Mrs N and I have no need of this invention. Replacement joints will do the trick…

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