Wednesday, August 13, 2008

THE BEIJING EXPERIMENT: BRACE YOURSELF, GRANDDAD!

SO, the little girl ‘singing’ at the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony wasn’t really singing at all. The Chinese decided the original singer wasn’t pretty enough so they brought in a cute replacement to mime.

What a good idea.

Now who could we get to mime for the peculiar-looking Amy Winehouse, to match that sensational voice? Obviously someone with a sexy, earthy persona. Well-built, as curvy as a doughnut. Not just come-to-bed eyes, but wow-now-light-me-a-cigarette eyes.

A cross between Marilyn Monroe and Angelina Jolie should do it. Know anyone like that?

As for the blokes … who would we get for a Lionel Richie replacement? Well, anybody really.

It would be better still if we could just replace some people wholesale – get rid of fat boring bastards on the fringe of the music business who think they are funny and replace them with non-egomaniacs who really are funny.

So, Chris Moyles …

My granddad would do. Just give me a couple of days to dig him up.

No comments: