SO, the little girl ‘singing’ at the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony wasn’t really singing at all. The Chinese decided the original singer wasn’t pretty enough so they brought in a cute replacement to mime.
What a good idea.
Now who could we get to mime for the peculiar-looking Amy Winehouse, to match that sensational voice? Obviously someone with a sexy, earthy persona. Well-built, as curvy as a doughnut. Not just come-to-bed eyes, but wow-now-light-me-a-cigarette eyes.
A cross between Marilyn Monroe and Angelina Jolie should do it. Know anyone like that?
As for the blokes … who would we get for a Lionel Richie replacement? Well, anybody really.
It would be better still if we could just replace some people wholesale – get rid of fat boring bastards on the fringe of the music business who think they are funny and replace them with non-egomaniacs who really are funny.
So, Chris Moyles …
My granddad would do. Just give me a couple of days to dig him up.
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