BUGGED BY INVISIBLE BUGS, THE LITTLE BUGGERS

I think I have discovered a new species of bug – invisible mosquitoes.

I have eight or nine insect bites scattered about my body, from ankles upwards. So has Mrs N. And neither of us saw, heard, or felt an attack of any description.

Napper Towers is, of course, spotless, and we spent many an hour in the garden over the weekend, so we are pretty sure our unseen attacker lurks outside, waiting for some juicy flesh to inject with its venom. And venom it is. The little red spots itch like hell, despite liberal applications of a ‘bite and sting cream’.

Next week I am going to Scotland, where the little biting buggers are not so sneaky – they attack gleefully in gangs. And the midges are almost as bad.

I can see only one consolation. The little bastards don’t like smoke. Apparently Queen Victoria used to smoke a cigarette or two for this very reason when she stayed at Balmoral. So I shall have to carry a medicinal cigar with me at all times.

By royal approval, don’t you know...