SEVERE CASE OF WRITER'S BLOG

I’m in limbo – in that strange place between going on holiday and a few days before going on holiday.

I can't seem to concentrate on anything, I’m not doing anything that’s worth a blog, I can’t keep going on about the Olympics, the only real news seems to be tragic.

The papers tell me Gary Glitter is back in Britain and Mel C is pregnant (not, it couldn’t, could it…?); Kerry Katona has been declared bankrupt and the Queen is now only the 12th richest ruler in the world. Ah – my heart bleeds for both of them. Buckets of piss.

Both gas and electricity prices are going up for the SECOND time this year – by massive amounts – but somehow it seems unreal. Maybe Scottish & Southern Energy and Eon are having a whip-round to get Kerry and Liz out of trouble. Or maybe both their chairpersons are aiming to be the richest ruler in the world. Tossers.

The weather’s still distinctly un-summery. England’s footballers are as useless as ever. But at least the nation’s kids are celebrating their GCSE passes. I’m not one of those old farts who claims the exams get easier every year and God knows how they would have coped with the O-levels we faced … but I was a tad surprised when next door’s cat celebrated her Grade A in Maths (I thought she’d lost count of the times she’d crapped in our garden).

And I still can’t find out how Sharon or Sharron Davies spells her first name.

Maybe … no. Or perhaps ...

No, it’s no good, I can’t think of anything to write today.

See you Monday.