WANTED IN THE UK: COPS WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR

A New Zealand friend of mine once told me a crimewave over there was TWO stolen bikes. It seems things have moved on a bit since then.

A teenage boy is currently causing havoc in a suburb of Christchurch with a series of burglaries. And the local police are pulling out all the stops to nab him. They have a Wanted poster and everything. The only snag is NZ law prevents them using a picture of a juvenile.

The cops came up with a brilliant solution – a picture of chunky Scottish actor Robbie Coltrane with the caption ‘Because of the Children and Young Persons Act 1989, police cannot show you a picture of the 16-year- old burglar operating in your neighbourhood. Robbie Coltrane is not the burglar, but imagine him aged 16 with lank greasy hair and you have the picture.'

Think of the fun our cops could have with this. A fresh-faced kid with a toothy grin and a penchant for using deadly weapons – a young Tony Blair will do nicely. A teenage pickpocket with strange eyebrows – imagine a young Alistair Darling. A big fat chav of a girl disturbing the peace – easy, Jade Goody.

But somehow I can't quite imagine our cops rising to the challenge of a public sense of humour. They'd get too bogged down in the political correctness of ridiculing 'little Tony'. Probably end up apologising to him and his parents for daring to think he would even know what a gun is.

We can but hope ...