'AMMER 'OUSE OF 'ORROR – IT'S HAWFUL!

I’m having withdrawal symptoms. I realised yesterday I haven’t had a JOCKEY SHORT for ages. I need one, and I think the world does, too.

For newcomers to Napper, a JOCKEY is Jack’s Official Crucial Key Educational Yardstick. And if it’s snappy enough, it’s a JOCKEY SHORT. This is today’s:

From now on, anyone who pronounces HBOS as Haitch Boss will be sent back to school for a term. Any school where children over the age of six pronounce an aitch as haitch will have their teachers sent back to college for a term. And TV presenters caught perpetuating this horror, and there are quite a few, will be sent to their nearest Aitch Em Pee until they stop pronouncing it Haitch Em Pee.

Not following me? It’s easy. Although, with a few exceptions, it’s correct to pronounce the 'h' on words beginning with that letter (as in house and hammer), when you pronounce the letter on it own, say as an initial, you do not pronounce an ‘h’.

It’s Aitch Boss, not Haitch Boss; it’s Aitch Queue, not Haitch Queue; it’s Aitch Eye Vee, not Haitch Eye Vee. All right?

There’s is no frigging ‘h’ on Aitch!

Please pass this on to your nearest teacher …