TIME TO PUT DOWN CRAZY OLD PHILOSOPHERS, EH, AL?

You wait ages for a JOCKEY SHORT and then three of them come along in a row.

I’m calling for volunteers for a special mission – to put down a dangerous old crone who wants to undermine the essence of a civilized society. Looking after our loved ones. I expect to be crushed in the rush.

Baroness Warnock, a renowned philosopher and one of the country’s leading authorities on medical ethics, says old people in mental decline have a duty to die and should be pushed towards death. I quote: "If you are demented, you are wasting people's lives, your family's lives, and you are wasting the resources of the National Health Service.”

There are many valid arguments in favour of euthanasia for those in chronic pain or decline, physical or mental. This isn’t one of them. Putting aside the fact that the sanctity of life must always come before money and convenience, her charter for killing is wide open to abuse. By greedy/desperate/spiteful relatives after the cash, by a cunning ‘friend’ after the house, by a lazy carer after an easy life. To name but a few.

The thing is fraught. As her fellow philosopher Al Murray, the Pub Landlord, would say: ‘YOU HAVEN’T THOUGHT IT THROUGH, LOVE!”

I’m still trying to work out if the 84-year-old Baroness (my perfect advert for the absurdity of peerages) is crazy enough yet to be assisted out of her and our misery. Send in your application and I’ll file it under Pending until I’ve had a chance to investigate further. Maybe think it through with Al. Compared to her, he speaks a lot of sense.