I have a confession to make – my plan to launch my own investment bank, Napper Assets Banking (NAB) in the wake of the global financial crisis, was a bit of a joke.
In fact, it was a lot of joke. I know, it takes some believing … but I never really intended to add to the world's supply of legalised thieving operations. As my friends will vouch, I’m just too nice a person to run a bank.
If I had launched NAB, it would be living up to its name. I would now be ignoring the fact that the Bank of England has cut its base rate by one and a half per cent, and still be charging borrowers whatever I could get away with. And reducing interest to savers to slightly above 0%.
Besides, I’ve been much too busy of late. I have been hard at it all hours, working on my plan for a world government to get the planet back on an even keel. Sort out the economy, carbon emissions, terrorism, the world food shortage. My friend Barack has agreed to be my deputy, with our mutual acquaintance Gordon as our joint personal assistant; taking notes, making the tea, that sort of thing.
It’s a bloody good job somebody in this country has got some vision …
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