Words is my game, guv'nor. So it’s nice to see some people take them seriously.
Researchers at Oxford University have compiled a list of the UK’s 10 most irritating expressions, starting not surprisingly with ‘At the end of the day …’ When I hear anybody say it, I like to interrupt, very quickly … ‘It will be tomorrow.’ Never gets a laugh.
The one really annoying expression not on the list is the one that begins, ‘Researchers at Oxford University have …’. Haven’t they got anything better to do, like working out how to stop global warming or Simon Cowell?
Politically correct councils have been intruding on my territory in the past few days, telling their staff which words or phrases they shouldn’t use. At Salisbury, for instance, town hall staff have been banned from using the expression ‘singing from the same hymn sheet’ because it could upset atheists.
Salisbury Council – it doesn’t bother this atheist one jot. How dare you presume to know what I’m thinking!
A few days earlier, Bournemouth Council decided to ban Latin terms in case its thick populace can’t understand them. Terms such as vice versa (which, of course, means homosexuality), ad hoc (commercial for wine), and bona fide (excellent hard-on).
I have a few expressions that the people of Bournemouth should never use:
Intelligent council officers
Sensible council measures
Town hall elite.
That’s it. See you at the end of the day (some time tomorrow).
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